for the love of mayonnaise a blog about sandwiches.

Sandwiches that require very few utensils and other kitchen appliances are always a plus. Other parents know what I mean. All you other people out there honestly believe that wooden spoons are used to stir soup when their true purpose is scooping dirt during archaeological digs and by archaeological digs I mean your kid playing nicely in his sand box and by playing nicely in his sandbox I mean uprooting all the plants in your flower bed. Although your colander will strain pasta during the day, it moonlights as a helmet and don’t even kid yourself about having any tupperware on hand. My child has yet to reveal to me what the true purpose of tupperware is but I do know it’s very important that it exists scattered all over the floor and under couches instead of in the drawer where you thought it belonged.

I don’t really think I should be having to worry about this crap yet. My son is 15 months and I’m already finding spoons in his fisher price log cabin by the woods, I fear by age 2 he will be attempting to re-landscape the back yard with my Kitchen Aid mixer and I don’t even own a Kitchen Aid mixer which just goes to show how concerned I am as I am worrying about things that aren’t even possible.

My point is that egg salad tastes good.

I think I make a lot of salad sandwiches because they really only require a bowl, a fork and a knife and as long as you can get your hands on the former, you already know the other two are in the drawer where they belong because you don’t let your kids play with sharp objects unsupervised because that would give your husband an advantage when betting on how soon one of your children is going to lose an eyeball be bad parenting.

Moving on, here is the egg salad recipe. It’s not really a recipe, but a list of things you might consider putting into your egg salad since you can’t really mess it up and what you add depends on your personal preference and because I am lazy. The only request I have is that you eat it with bacon because everything should be eaten with bacon.

Egg Salad
Ingredients:
Hard Boiled Eggs
Mayonnaise
Sweet Pickle Relish
Pickles, diced
Vidalia Onion, diced
Green Onion, sliced
Pepper & Salt
Dill
Paprika
Hot Sauce
Dijon Mustard

I’m sure there are plenty more and I suggest you don’t use all of these but this is a reference list for now.

Directions:
I am not going to go over cooking bacon, if you really need to know just Google it.

I will tell you the best way to hard boil an egg because the quality of your egg salad has everything to do with the quality of your hard boiled egg and very little to do with Google since it will give you one hundred different ways and none of them are right *sticking out tongue.*

Place your eggs in a saucepan. Fill the pan with cold water. (DO NOT fill your pot with hot water in an effort to boil your water faster, this is cheating and you will ruin everything.) Set your pan on the stove on medium to medium-high heat. I always put it on a 7.

As soon as the water has come to a boil, turn the heat off and place the lid on the pot. Let the pot sit with the lid on for 10 minutes only.

When the 10 minutes is up immediately place your eggs in cold water. Do this a few times as your water will quickly become warm due to the temperature of the eggs. As soon as the eggs have cooled down a little tap them on the counter until the entire shell is cracked all the way around the egg (my husband taught me this, he said you do it to break the membrane ew which makes it easier to peel). Then peel them under cold running water. The whole shell should come right off.

Smash up your eggs. Mix up the eggs and any of the other ingredients that tickle you. Let it sit in the fridge for a while before serving.

Egg Salad and Bacon Sandwich
Ingredients:
White Bread, soft and untoasted
Bacon, cooked
Tomato
Egg Salad

Directions:
Cook your bacon (see above).

Slap your egg salad on some white bread with tomato and bacon. No toasting necessary.