for the love of mayonnaise a blog about sandwiches.

There are different degrees of difficulty when it comes to being a parent, or simply existing, during meal times, depending on what kind of child you own. Some people have children who are quiet, they don’t manage to find permanent markers and abandoned glasses of water while you are attempting to take something out of the oven. They know how to entertain themselves, abstain from inflicting violence on their siblings, all the while managing to look like humans, mocking us parents who act like getting dinner on the table in a decent amount of time is some sort of award worthy feat. These mythical creatures do exist. I don’t happen to own one of them. So sometimes…

I make these.

I’m not proud of it. But man are they good. And easy. And the creatures in my house will eat them.

They are processed breaded chicken patties that claim to be all white meat and no funny stuff but who knows. There are two favorite ways to eat them. As you see above, and this way:

Smothered in honey. The importance with these sandwiches is you don’t attempt to make them healthier. Then they just won’t be worth eating. You must not use a whole grain bun, you must not use nutrient-dense leaf lettuce, you may not use a light mayo or god forbid no mayo and you may not use a sweetener substitute for the honey or god forbid no honey at all. As you can see from the photo above I put honey on the bread and on the pattie. It’s part of my super secret plan to gain lots of weight and guess what? It’s working.

Chicken Pattie with Lettuce and Mayo Sandwich
Ingredients:
Chicken Pattie
Iceberg Lettuce
Mayonnaise
Potato Roll

Directions:
Don’t toast your bun. Smother one side with mayo. Bake chicken pattie according to directions on bag. Most likely pop frozen into an oven at 350 degrees for 20 minutes but read the bag anyway. Place hot sandwich on bun and top with a ton of crispy cold iceberg. Put mayo bun on top. Eat immediately.

Make another pattie and get ready to eat it this way:

You may not be like me and try to blame your kids for these types of eating habits which I do because it makes me feel better but if you have time to make more than one, well, you’re like me and are trying to blame your kids for these types of eating habits and you’re fooling no one.

Chicken Pattie and Honey Sandwich:
Ingredients:
Chicken Pattie
Potato Roll
Honey

Directions:
Follow directions on bag to make another chicken pattie. Take out of the oven and place hot on an untoasted potato roll. Squeeze copious amounts of honey on pattie. The honey will soak into the bun so put some more on there for good measure. Place other side of bun on top. Eat immediately.

Possibly make another, but definitely don’t tell anyone you did.